A Limitless Definition of My Value

“To define is to limit.” – Oscar Wilde

My mom cried when I told her I didn’t want to play basketball in third grade. Not that I remember my reason for not wanting to play, but it was probably because I didn’t want my dad to yell at me again while on the court in front of all my friends, coaches, and teammates, telling me to be tough even though I was sprawled on the court looking at my bleeding knee.

Growing up, I was expected to be athletic. Being beautiful was second priority, but that’s a whole other story that has very little to do with this one. Athleticism was already in my blood, passed on by very talented parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents, but my duty was to make my talents better than what had already been given to me.

In high school, I remember becoming a little distracted by boys and quickly learned this was unacceptable. College was near and not going just wasn’t an option. Of course, my elders wanted me to get an education, but they didn’t know why. If they didn’t know, how the hell was I supposed to know? What they did know, however, was that collegiate athletes were liked by many and seemed to be more fortunate in life.

“This is a time when you need to decide if you want to be successful or not,” my dad told me on my fifteenth birthday, in reference to sports. “Is it going to be volleyball, basketball, or track? And at what school?”

Needless to say, I basically grew up believing that success came from my accomplishments in sports. I won awards with titles defining how I performed throughout a season. The more I received, the more greedy I became, and it was an unhealthy addiction.

I stood out as a youngster and was taught that my value lied in my athletic achievements. If I had lost a race, I instantly felt invaluable. What was the point? I didn’t accomplish what I came here to do. And the toughest critic turned out to be yours truly.

Then I became a little smarter. I started to grow up and separate my own thoughts apart from others. I was discovering more about the person that I actually wanted to be. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy sports, because I really did and still do. They were a homey comfort to me, sort of like a safety net. A basketball court has always been a place where I feel accepted. I could probably even fall asleep with a volleyball in my arms as opposed to a teddy bear. But at a teen, I wasn’t sure if the athletic path was the one I wanted to take. It was just all I had known up to that point.

In an attempt to be “successful” the way I was taught, I competed for a well-respected collegiate track and field program, feeling like I had something to prove. Eighteen is a tough age for anyone, and after two exhausting years, I saw the perfect opportunity to stop wasting my time with meaningless efforts and activities that brought serious daily anxiety. I would never trade the friendships I made with teammates, nor would I take back the killer abs I worked so hard to get, but I had reached a stopping point. I wanted my freedom back.

I heard everything under the sun after announcing my discontinuation of organized competitive sports:

“What a waste of talent.”
Gee, thanks. Was this the only thing I was good at?

“Don’t ever quit.”
Well, either I become an Olympian (which I never even gave a single thought) or I move on with a more realistic career.

“You will regret it for the rest of your life.”
Okay, this one made me laugh. I have zero regrets so far.

“You’re missing out on a chance of a lifetime.”
Not really, I already ran in college for two years. Stepped foot on some of the fastest tracks in the nation. Worked with big names. Lost and won. Cried, sweat, bled. I know what it’s like. You don’t.

Most importantly, it doesn’t matter what other people said to me or about me. They have their own lives to worry about and it’s not their job to determine or evaluate mine. My value does not and will never be contained by my athletic ability. I am so much more and although I have real love for these sports as well as my individual journey through them, I will never let them define me. Sports may be what I do and what I enjoy, but they are not who I am.

What have you felt defined by in your past?

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by Jen Marley

An Actor’s Mindset: How Improv Has Changed My Life

I was never an outgoing kid. A series of unfortunate events during my high school years, whose perpetrators undoubtedly know of my longlasting distress, left me emotionally crippled. I was shy to the point of becoming unable even to talk to friends without getting overwhelmed by anxiety. My self-esteem was dangerously low, and I found that living day-to-day became a Herculean struggle. As far as I was concerned, everything that went wrong was my fault; everything that went right did so in spite of own failings. And my failings were plenty. I felt ugly. Disgusting. Stained, inside and out. Crazy. Worst of all, unlovable. Anyone who has ever felt such emotional pain and despair understands what it’s like to live through these kinds of feelings. “Living” might be too optimistic of a word, in fact. One begins to feel like the walking manifestation of death itself.

Oddly enough, I did have a hobby that consistently brought joy to my life, and it was the last hobby anybody, including myself, would have expected from somebody like me. I was an actor. I discovered my passion late into middle school, and carried it with me throughout all of my suffering in high school. I established myself as (and I say so not to be pompous, but because it was often told to me) one of the most talented actors in the 300-some population of the school. I started with side characters, and people told me I stole the shows. I ascended to lead roles and consistently began to win awards from the school’s theatre program. Judges from the annual Illinois State Theatre Festival even selected a production in which I was a lead to be performed in front of hundreds, if not thousands, of students from across the state. When I walked on stage, people noticed and paid attention. I took command of each and every role I was given, and pulled them off with a skill that never failed to impress. One would expect, after seeing me onstage, that I would be among the most outgoing, confident individuals in the community. And yet, inside, I was broken. I frequently overheard conversations between my directors regarding the amazing dichotomy between my stage self and my “real” self, although I always hesitated to apply such a label to the dysfunctional mess that I had become.

My passion for acting, and my ever-wavering spirits, followed me into college. To my dismay, lead roles in the theatre program of Illinois State University were mostly reserved for theatre majors. After having become accustomed to lead roles, I became rather disenchanted and set acting to the backburner for good.

The consequences followed immediately. Another series of events landed me briefly in a nearby hospital. I plummeted to the worst condition I could have imagined. Soon after my discharge, though, a loose acquaintance of mine offhandedly mentioned that an improv troupe would be holding auditions. With less than two days to prepare, I resigned myself to the reality that no matter how good of an actor I was, there was no possible way I was talented enough to join “the big leagues.” College-level acting, no less than the notoriously difficult art of improvisational acting, was out of my reach. And yet I never truly gave up, for I allowed myself to hope just enough to bother attending the audition.

There was stiff competition, of course, and the senior members performed incredibly as they demonstrated what we would do during the audition. As far as I was concerned, I had already failed. But when I stepped onstage, the switch flipped. I returned to my element, nailed the audition, moved on to callbacks, and nailed them too. As abruptly as I had even decided to interest myself with the team, I was a member.

The team had existed for almost twenty years, having been formed slightly before my birth. Its name was Improv Mafia, and the senior members informed me (proudly, though not arrogantly) that they were a rather big deal in the world of collegiate improv. I was shown a stunning collection of plaques and trophies. Regional champions, national champions. They had alumni all over the country, nailing roles in professional improv troupes. In short, I had stumbled upon a group that had a decorated history, a group that had good reason to be unimaginably selective.

The other members’ reaction to my selection, and the selection of the other three newcomers, was quite unlike what I had expected. I had never experienced such a sheer outpouring of love, acceptance, and enthusiasm from people whose names I hadn’t even learned yet. As luck would have it, this love would never waver, even as I struggled to love myself.

The Mafia held to a rigorous schedule: practice five hours per week, plus a two-hour show every Tuesday. We never charged any money for attendance; we performed because we had a passion for the art, because we took it seriously. We took the ridiculous seriously, as went our motto. Naturally, you begin to form bonds with people you spend so much time with, and each person begins to spread a bit of their likeness to everyone else. During the countless hours of time with the Mafia, I absorbed many lessons and philosophies. I firmly believe that these philosophies can be applied to anyone’s life and, as with mine, provide a seemingly infinite source of self-improvement.

I say this because my life has improved immeasurably in these short few months. My self-esteem is higher than it has been in almost five years. I have newfound confidence in myself. My day-to-day life, while still pelted with occasional hiccups, is far less treacherous, all because of Improv Mafia. While it would be impossible to articulate every lesson this group has taught me, they can be distilled in such a way as to provide aid to those in need, or to simply improve a life that is already atop the waves of contentment.

Firstly, have confidence in your own decisions. When the Mafia performs, we try to avoid “being in our heads.” This means we make decisions about how our acted scene will evolve, and we fully commit to them. Nothing destroys a scene more quickly than pausing to doubt yourself. It breaks your immersion from the scene and makes it difficult to recover. Think of a movie or video game that you just couldn’t “get into,” and you’ll get a good idea of what we try to avoid while acting. Similarly, my life outside of acting improved significantly when I stopped doubting each and every decision that I made. I used to doubt every move I took, every word I spoke, and every friendship I made. As it stands now, I have the confidence necessary to commit to myself and trust that I not only have my best interests in mind, but also the ability to follow through and execute them. The difference is quite indescribable. In years past, most of my free time would be spent worrying about the state of my friendships, wondering if I had done something to harm them. Since Mafia, my mind has become much clearer, my life has become less stressful, and I can dedicate my time and mental exertion to more productive tasks.

This self-improvement comes not only to my benefit, but to the benefit of my loved ones as well. I concern myself greatly with the well-being of my friends, and I do all that I can help them in all matters, big and small. However, my capacity to help them was limited by my capacity to help myself. Nobody feels comfortable unloading their problems onto an individual already burdened with so many problems of their own. Slowly, people have begun to recognize my personal progress, and I have faith that they will trust me more to help them when problems in their lives arise. Within the improv sphere, a general guideline is to help yourself before helping your partner. That is, establish your own character and background before attempting to establish those of the person with whom you are performing. Good scenes don’t occur when both actors are so afraid to step on each other’s toes that they refuse to assert themselves.

Generally speaking, you also can’t refuse to accept scenarios that your fellow actor puts forward. If your partner remarks that the scene is taking place within a grocery store, the appropriate response is to affirm this new reality and add to it. To contradict your partner is to confuse them, deny them, and imply that their attempt at establishing the scene wasn’t good enough for you. In my daily life, affirmation is an important coping mechanism. I’ve always known that I cannot change everything in my life, but Mafia taught me to accept this and to affirm reality as it is. The serenity prayer, essentially, applied to everyday life. You make better scenes when you affirm, and your life is smoother when you affirm the cards you are dealt. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t attempt to improve yourself and better your situation; it means that such attempts shouldn’t be the determining factor of your happiness. Conventional wisdom tells us that we can never be satisfied if we think, “I’ll be happy when I get this, or when I achieve that.” You need to find satisfaction in the moment, regardless of circumstance, just like you need to find motivation to accept your partner’s reality when you act improvisationally.

Perhaps the most basic, foundational lesson I’ve learned is that it is always wise to hope. Even when I was at my lowest, I allowed myself a glimmer of hope, and now my life is better than it has practically ever been. I understand what it feels like to be hopeless, and to live day-by-day feeling that I can’t get any lower. But if I gave in to that despair, I never would have met the people who are now some of my closest friends. If you struggle to look forward to tomorrow, allow yourself one more day. If you have the strength, give yourself that glimmer, and give yourself time to see where it goes. What results may just surprise you.

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by Matthew Crawford

My Transformation from Corporate Hostage to Full-Time Traveler

It’s two years since I made the decision to change my life. Two years since I took a leap from the supposed security of an executive career and comfortable home. Two years since I started prioritizing happiness and began changing my life for the better.

My story is a pretty typical tale of pursuing the American Dream. After my university education, I entered the workplace and stepped onto the first rung of the corporate ladder. I fell in love, got married and bought a home. My husband or I earned various promotions or received job offers to move to other parts of the country, or in one case across to the other side of the world. We bought bigger homes and newer cars and acquired all the other trappings of success.

I was particularly ambitious. I found my work style especially well-suited to my chosen career in strategic marketing and I rose up the ranks. But as I climbed higher up the ladder and as the corporate landscape changed after the financial crisis, I became increasingly disillusioned. I found companies became focused on short-term thinking with an insatiable appetite for instant gratification and sales promotions, rather than good strategy and strong execution. Their expectation was that my every waking (and sometimes sleeping) hour should revolve around them. But I had a California-sized mortgage and matching lifestyle to pay for – so it seemed I had no choice. I felt trapped in the corporate world.

My respite from this was my love of travel. For vacation, we would rent apartments in fun places and pretend to live like locals if only for a week. We fantasized about leaving all the corporate nonsense behind us and having the time to visit all the national parks we had read about and to travel the world and experience different cultures. Then a lightbulb came on and we realized it wasn’t our jobs that were stopping us living the life we wanted, it was our financial obligations. Without the costs of a mortgage, property tax, condo fees and running two cars, we could afford to earn considerably less, and stretch our savings to travel long term.

It was like a reset in our thinking. We thought our desire to travel long term was hampered by our need to have a full-time salary to pay for our house but realized that if we traveled then we didn’t really need a house. Our desired lifestyle actually fit perfectly with the idea of selling our home and most of our possessions. The deal was sealed. We put our house on the market, we got rid of most everything we owned, I quit my job and we bought an Airstream Trailer and hit the road.

We now split our time between traveling in the US and renting apartments in other places in the world. I work part time to supplement our savings, but our lifestyle is so much less expensive than it used to be, we hardly notice the reduced income.

So how do I feel about my new life?

I am a much more mindful consumer: Traveling light and living small have taught me to appreciate everything more. When living off the grid I am acutely aware of the weather, wondering if the sun will shine enough on our solar panels to charge our batteries or if the incoming storm means I have to hunker down and secure our home. I only buy things that have more than one purpose, don’t use too much water or electricity or generate too much waste. When we travel overseas we pack light and make sure our clothes and shoes are practical and meet a variety of climates.

I have better relationships: The pressures of my work could make me irritable and short-tempered with people who didn’t deserve to be treated badly. On the other hand, I also had to work with people who I didn’t like, who were jerks or who were just a negative force. I am now lucky enough to be able to work with who I want and quit working with people whose values I don’t share.

The quality of my work is better: It’s a strange phenomenon but now that I work as a freelance consultant I am less concerned about career progression and I am less vested in a single product or company. I have an outsiders view which allows me to be less emotional, more candid and I provide impartial direction to my clients that I may have been intimidated to bring to the table as an employee. Also because my schedule is flexible and my plate is not as full I am more responsive than ever

I feel in control: When you talk about selling everything and quitting your job, many people question how you could leave that security. But with a mortgage, a stagnant economy, and the fact that I’m getting older, i.e. less employable, I didn’t feel I was leaving much behind. Now I can turn my life on a dime. I can adjust my expenses easily by locating myself in areas with lower costs of living, I can take more work if I need to. I feel fully in control of my life and I’m not beholden to an employer for my financial stability.

I am excited about the future: My nomadic lifestyle always gives me something to look forward to. It’s hard to be bored when you move a lot. You are either experiencing new things, or you are planning what you are doing next. Sometimes you are just relaxing and enjoying where you are. It’s almost impossible to not be filled with optimism if you have endless possibilities in front of you.

I am making great memories: Many people talk about how quickly time passes, I used to be that person. Time does fly when you do the same things day in day out. But now when people say “can you believe it’s March already”, I say I can’t believe it’s only March. In the last 6 months I have traveled to 3 continents, I have hiked in national parks, kayaked in mountain lakes, and tried to communicate in a language I don’t understand. I’ve done so many things I can’t believe that I fitted it all in. I am a great believer in the ethos – if you want to lead a memorable life you have to do things worth remembering.

I am so much happier: Full time travel is not all plain-sailing and it certainly isn’t a permanent vacation. It can be uncomfortable, unsettling and frankly sometimes just a pain in the ass. Finding somewhere to do laundry, dealing with cultural confusion and wondering if I’ll ever have a decent haircut again are just some of my first world problems. But I would never trade my old life for the happiness I feel and the freedom I have to schedule my own day to decide where and how I want to spend my time.

So do I have any regrets from the last 2 years? Do I miss the executive title, salary or expense account? Do I regret selling my home and most of my possessions? Absolutely not, it was the best decision I have ever made and it’s hard to imagine living any other way now. My only regret is not doing it sooner.

Not all life changes have to be quite so drastic. What changes have you made that have made you happier? What do you think would bring more happiness to you? Why do you think we prioritize things over experiences in our society?

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by Kate Gilbert 

How Grant Cardone Manages Time

Do you manage your time effectively?

How I Changed My Life for the Better

“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.” – Lao Tzu

A few years ago, I decided to change my life for the better. I thought I would write about the changes I decided to make in case others could benefit from it. There were numerous reasons why I wanted to make these life alterations, but the main ones were:

1. I knew I was capable of so much more. I wanted to make an effort to exploit my full potential and accomplish more and I was not doing that.

2. I was not in the best of health. I was too sedentary, out of shape, had visceral body fat around my waist, I kept late hours, and I drank too much alcohol.

3. My overall lifestyle habits were not conducive towards a healthy and productive life.

4. I wanted to be more mindful and happy and worry less.

I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. That was my motivation. I conducted a lot of research online and read many books on happiness, health, success, productivity and overall wellness. After devouring a wealth of information from famous self-help experts and some not so famous ones, I recognized a commonality between all of them as they pretty much were all advocating similar strategies.

I carefully and discriminately decided on the changes I would make in my life. I purposely chose changes that were practical, effective and achievable for me. I wanted lasting changes and not temporary ones that were based on euphoria. For certain aspects, I made complete 180 degree changes while for others I made small behavioral changes. I did this because certain changes were harder for me to make than others.

I came up with a list of 31 specific habits that I wanted to change. Here is what I did:

1. I decided to have a daily routine which I followed diligently. I did not have to wake up in the morning and figure out what I needed to do because I had a routine that I adhered to. It eradicated the guesswork.

2. I set clear goals that I wanted to achieve. I wrote these down so that there was no ambiguity. These goals were specific and clearly stated so that it was obvious when I achieved them (or didn’t). Because there was no vagueness, I knew when I fell short.

3. Based on the advice of others, I made sure the goals I set were quantifiable and measurable. For example, rather than saying I would exercise often (what does often mean?), I said that I would exercise 4 times per week for 1 hour each time. Because my goals were so specific, I was able to review my progress (or lack of) easily. And I did a review every week.

4. Not only did I develop a daily routine, I also decided to plan my days and week in advance. Rather than leave things to chance or to what I felt like doing at the moment, I planned each day and week by listing specific things that I wanted to accomplish. For example, I decided to do my grocery shopping on a Monday afternoon when the store was less crowded and numerous items went on sale.

5. I learned to meditate and incorporated that into my daily routine. This one change has made a huge impact on my life. I now meditate every morning after I wake up. It has taught me so much about myself, helped me concentrate more, and become more mindful. It also has made me realize that my thoughts can be extremely rambunctious and that I do not always have to attach myself to them.

6. I decided to join my local gym and exercise 5 days a week. I do this in the mornings before I start work. I lift weights and then do a 20-minute cardio workout. My gym also offers classes (free with the gym membership) such as yoga which I sometimes join.

7. Another change I decided to make was to get rid of or distance myself from friends whom I considered to be toxic or bad examples. I knew that I wanted friends who had a positive influence on me.

8. Related to number 7, I started making new friends with people I considered to be positive influences. I also spent more time with existing friends who shared my goals to be a better person.

9. I made a commitment to pay closer attention to my nutrition and eat healthier food. I cut out junk food, sodas, excessive fat, and processed foods. I actually started paying attention to nutritional labels.

10. I also decided to cook more food at home rather than eating out. I love to cook so this change was not as difficult for me as for some. I now control what I cook and how much fat is added to my food. And I have been saving a ton of money by eating out less. And when I do eat out, I try to order healthier items on the menu.

11. Another change I chose to make pertains to reading. I decided to read more books. I used to read a lot when I was younger but, somehow, fell out of the habit. I now download great books on my Kindle app and read them before bed at night on my iPad or phone.

12. I have curtailed my TV viewing and now watch much less television compared to before. I have used this time to read more.

13. When I do watch TV now, I refrain from watching negative and frivolous programming. I used to watch reality shows and loved watching crime shows like Unusual Suspects but found them to have no real merit or educational value. Some of the programs that I used to watch would actually have a negative impact on me and subliminally get me depressed. My remote control is now used a lot more discriminately to find shows that are uplifting and educational. I love channels like National Geographic, Discovery, and PBS.

14. I cannot believe how much time I wasted in the past surfing the internet and visiting web sites that posted junk. Today, I am more aware of the choices I make with my mouse and I avoid web sites that predominantly post violent, discriminatory, sexual and useless information.

15. After reading about the virtues of being grateful, I now list 5 things every night that I am grateful for before I fall asleep. It could be simple things like enjoying a nice meal or spending quality time with a loved one. This has made me appreciate my blessings so much more and made me more thankful.

16. A major change I have made in my life is to drastically cut back on the amount of alcohol I consume. I still drink wine in moderation but I do not indulge in vodka and binge drinking like I did before.

17. In the past, I managed to convince myself that I was a night owl and definitely not a morning person. During the week, I now climb into bed by 10PM and wake up much earlier than before. It took a while for me to adjust my sleep habits and I now realize that it is possible to follow the adage early to bed, early to rise. I feel so much more rested these days.

18. Another major change I have made in my life is being more careful with my money. I now am a lot more discriminate when it comes to buying stuff and I have learned to source out great bargains. I save a lot more than I did before.

19. In addition to saving more money, I also invest my money now. I have become a silent partner in a business and have also invested in my own business.

20. Rather than spend money buying frivolous stuff that I do not need, I now spend money on memorable experiences that I know I will cherish. Whether it is going to visit my mother who lives overseas or going kayaking, I now spend my money on great experiences that teach me a lot and afford me a lot of fun.

21. I have decided to stay in closer contact with family and friends whom I care about deeply. I used to be more self-centered and neglected staying in touch with my loved ones. I now take the time to call my Mom more often, write more personal e-mails and letters, and simply be a better friend and family member. This has brought me so much closer to those I cherish.

22. One thing that I have changed and do much better now is managing my time. I did not realize how much I was wasting in a typical day on frivolous things, be it daydreaming, spending time in a bar, watching boring TV commercials, trolling the internet for useless gossip, etc. I now am more aware of how I spend the most precious commodity all of us have been given, time.

23. Forgiveness is a big one for me. I can honestly say that I used be bad at forgiving others and myself. I was equally hard on others whom I perceived had wronged me, as well as on myself for all my past mistakes. I spent a lot of time learning to forgive myself and others and this has freed me from so much anger and resentment.

24. In addition to meditation, I have learned to incorporate visualization/guided imagery into my daily routine. Every morning before I meditate, I visualize and picture outcomes and goals that I desire. I do not just visualize it; I actually try to feel the feeling of actually accomplishing the outcome. I have found this to be extremely powerful.

25. I have to admit that I used to be a coward when it came to visiting the doctor or dentist. For years, I avoided them like the plague. However, I now have chosen to view going to the doctor and dentist frequently in a more positive light. I schedule visits regularly and my fear has been greatly reduced. I focus on the fact that prevention is better than cure.

26. In the past, I have been guilty of spending too much time at bars and clubs. I now have cut back on those activities significantly and substituted them with more wholesome activities. I am now more likely to go hiking, visiting a state park, taking up photography, bird watching, going to the beach, joining a yoga class, etc.

27. I learned to not to try and seek the approval of others as I often did before. This was a big change for me because I definitely tried too hard to please others, even if it meant sacrificing my authenticity. I would get upset if I incurred the disapproval of others. Instead, I now use my conscience as my guide and, while I try to be sensitive to how others feel, I do not allow it to run my life. I know that I cannot please everyone.

28. Another major change I have made in my life is making time to learn new skills and increasing my knowledge. I am more likely to enroll in a photography class now, or watch a TED talk, or choose a great documentary on Netflix to watch as compared to before. I read books on meditation, exercise, nutrition, etc.

29. If there was an award for procrastination, I think I would have been in the running in the past. I would procrastinate a lot, especially if the task at hand scared me or seemed daunting. I have greatly improved this tendency and now jump into things without letting fear get the better of me. I have learned that the small act of starting a task makes all the difference because it builds momentum and confidence and motivates me to continue.

30. One thing that I do much more now as compared to before is challenging myself to do things that I consider difficult. In the past, I would shy away from difficult endeavors because I was scared and did not believe in myself sufficiently. I realize now that many of these fears were unwarranted. I also know now that challenging yourself is the only way to grow and improve. I now view the discomfort in a different light. If I am uncomfortable doing something, there is a good chance it’s because I am taking myself out of my comfort zone and learning something new.

31. Last and not least, I do my best to love myself now. I do not take myself as seriously and try to practice unconditional self-love. I make a conscious effort to practice simple but positive affirmations throughout the day that emphasize self-love and worth.

I have incorporated these changes gradually over time and have found that each of them supports the other. I’d like to make it clear that in no way am I successful 100% of the time. I am far from perfect and still have many faults. In fact, I fail often. However, two things have happened: 1. I fail less often than I did before, probably because, like anything else, things get easier the more you practice. And 2. When I do fail, I do not let it discourage me like it would have before. I simply learn from my mistakes, make changes and move on.

I can sincerely say that these changes have made me a happier, more successful and more equanimous person. I could not have even imagined the life I have right now, and I am still learning every day.  If I can do it, I know you can, too. I blog about these and other experiences regularly because I want to share my experiences and help others.

I believe in you. What changes are you going to make in your life?

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by David Naidu

The Balance Between Being Content and Striving for More

I recently volunteered at a charity event run by a good friend of mine who’s trying to start a non-profit.  By all accounts, the event was a success and went very smoothly, but my friend felt frazzled by how much work it took to launch an organization.  She worried about not properly prioritizing her time between her family, her venture, and other commitments she had made.  Overall, she wondered if she had taken the proverbial last bite that was too much to chew.

Her problem struck a chord with me because lately, I feel I have the opposite problem.  I quit a full-time job in project management to be at home with my young children, a choice I do not regret.  But now that the kids are getting older, I have more free time, and I wonder if I’m utilizing that time well.  I have a few ambitious personal projects I’d like to take on, but I’d always avoided them due to time constraints.  Then I second-guessed myself again and wondered why I couldn’t just be content with my life as it is.

At two ends of an odd spectrum, we have being content with the life you have and wanting to achieve more.  Some people are content to be…well content.  Others love setting the next goal and never standing still.  The rest of us have to decide how to balance these two ideas.

So what is right for you?  I present some questions you can ask yourself that may help you discover where you fit on the spectrum:

Do you feel content enough?  It’s healthy to feel content with what you have on some level: content with your personality, your relationships, and your environment, to name a few.  I personally thrive on a routine that keeps me balanced, which includes set times for family.  If I didn’t feel have these predetermined commitments, I would feel incomplete regardless of any other aspects in my life.  Determining what you need to be “content enough” will give you a foundation on which you can build your other goals.

Do you feel you are pushing yourself enough? Once you have that foundation, you can determine how much more you want out of life.  If you find yourself always daydreaming about improvements in your career, learning a new skill, or spending more time on community activities, then you may need to find a way to include these in your life.  With your foundation set, you can determine which trade-offs in your life you are willing to make in order to work on these goals.

Do you even need to change at all or are you just worrying?  I could have a black belt in worrying, if such a thing existed.  More often than not, a worry is just a worry, and I have to find a healthy way to just let it go.  You can generally tell if a worry is a legitimate thing by analyzing it.  If you keep having circular arguments with yourself, chances are, it’s just a worry.  Sometimes a gut feeling can tell you that you’re just worrying.  When I can’t determine the difference, I turn to a trusted family member or friend as a sound board, someone who won’t make any decisions for me, but will help me explore the worry so I can come to the right conclusion on how to approach it.

My friend and I visited these questions in our conversation and by talking through it, came to some solid conclusions on how to move forward.  She felt she was just worrying.  I felt I needed to mix things up a bit with my current routine.  We’re both moving forward with plans to find that balance between contentment and achievement.

You may never come to the perfect conclusion, but hopefully these questions will help you find your own balance.  As life changes, you may need to revisit these questions again.  When you do, I hope you won’t worry about it, but take a good look at your life and how you can make changes (or not) to make it the best life for you.

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by Deborah Fike