How I Abandoned Everything in Search of Myself

“Those who know where the treasure lies, joyfully abandon everything else to secure it.” – D.A. Carson

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I had gone through the motions that most others my age went through – high school, college, job. That was it, that was the plan and that was the direction I was heading towards. Until it wasn’t.

I studied elementary education and had every intention of being a teacher. The dream of having my own classroom and working in inner-city schools was really attractive to me. Really! So, I was on my way towards that, until I wasn’t.

Instead, I joined the Peace Corps. Different paths post-college led me there and it was something that had always interested me. This wild, exotic fantasy of living completely alone whilst “saving the world” definitely had its allure to a young 20-something. So I did it, and it rocked my world. Did I save the world? Absolutely not, but that experience, that village, it definitely saved me.

It was all “planned” out, hours spent researching the best programs in the US to get my Masters of Education, grandiose ideas of living in a new state and beginning to settle into a normal life. After the Peace Corps, I would assume my role as loyal citizen to the US. I would teach, I would take out a mortgage and I would be happy. Until I didn’t.

About 18 months into my Peace Corps service, after riding this emotional roller coaster of emotions, I finally came to terms with the fact that I was living abroad and that I kind of liked it. I also came to the realization that all these fancy-schmancy schools offering the best degrees were not cheap. What to do?

Commence the research, this time, the google search term, “ways to make money fast in Asia.” And there it was, teach English! Of course, EVERYONE was doing that and it seemed that the money was really there. I felt that I had an upper-hand because my degree was in education, and I wasn’t straying at all from what I set out to do 5 years ago. Instead of teaching in the US, I would just be teaching abroad now. Teach for a year, save up a stack of cash, go home and study. Done. Until it wasn’t.

I ended up teaching in Taiwan and falling in love with the country. Taiwan is a fascinating little country, rarely visited by tourists. People are genuinely nice there, public transportation is incredible, it’s a prime spot for vegetarians and the health-care is fantastic. It was the perfect place to live. Until it wasn’t.

The problem with Taiwan was the work-culture. They have a 6-day workweek over there (which is actually pretty standard for Asia) but the days are long, and so are the mornings and nights. I found myself in a 60+ hour workweek, between work and commuting, I was spending a lot of time away from home, thus sacrificing a lot of personal time for growth and happiness. As the money stacked up, I became more and more tired, finding ways to squeeze in naps during the day whenever possible. Surely this wasn’t sustainable, and it wasn’t.

I left Taiwan earlier than expected. I had my stack of cash saved, but instead of putting that stack towards my student loan I traveled the world (uh, Asia…I traveled Asia). Over two years of constant work, the last thing I wanted to do was lose it instantly. Instead, I followed my heart and haven’t looked back since. And I didn’t.

I have absolutely no regrets, (even when the student loan folks are calling incessantly) for taking the time to travel instead of forking over the cash to be debt free. There’s so much freedom in traveling and living the life that I’m living, that I have no worries about what will happen.

Instead, I’m living in the present taking it one day at a time. What traveling has taught me, and is still teaching me, is to trust and let go. I know that there have been times that I have been on the verge of bankruptcy, but the universe has always provided. Yes, I’m still living off of that stack that I piled up over a year ago, and trust me it’s not much anymore, but I’m trusting in myself that I will always be taken care of.

There’s always work to do and money to be made. Will I be able to pile it up money as easily as I did in Taiwan, absolutely not, but simplicity is also something I’ve learned along the way. I don’t NEED all this money. Yes, it’s reassuring to have, but when food and accommodation are provided for, what else do you need?

I know this must sound crazy. I have no savings whatsoever and I’m heading into my 30s this year. Yes, I’ve thought about that and I trust that I’ll eventually “get my shit together” and have a constant flow of money. I won’t be young forever, but right now I am.

It baffles me to hear so many people “saving” so that they can travel. Why not just travel now? Why not do what you want to now when you know you can. The present is what we have. We’re constantly saving for our “future” but there’s no guarantee that the future will be there. Is that a pessimistic way of looking at things? I don’t think so, I think it’s hopeful and inspiring.

Now, that’s not to say it’s been rainbows and unicorns the whole way. It’s taken quite the journey to get to where I am. Looking around at my friends who have stable jobs, marriages and children and then comparing it to what I have, a depleting bank account and the same clothes I’ve been wearing since college. But that’s just thing, I can’t compare. Everyone is on their own journey. What works for me may not work for others. Maybe others do not want to live this life of uncertainty, and instead, feel completely comfortable with where they are, and that’s totally fine.

But for me, this is working. Yes, it’s scary and I’ve had my fair share of breakdowns, and still do. I often stop and wonder, “what the hell are you doing?!” But then I bring myself back to my breath and the present moment. Being reassured by the notion that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. The places that this beautiful, strange world has taken me to is something that I never planned for. I ride the waves in life and find myself washed ashore in these incredible places. Each one teaching me something new. And I keep going.

I don’t know where I’m going next and I don’t know what it is I’m looking for. But does it matter? Whatever it is I’m subconsciously looking for will eventually find me, and when it does I’ll know. For now, I’m going to continue to wear my old clothes and have those minor freak outs over my dwindling account. But at the same time, I’m going to embrace life and live in the moment because that’s the one thing I know will always be there. How do you live fully and presently?

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by Tara DeAugustine

How I Conquered Self-Doubt and How You Can Too

Ever since I was a child I struggled with self-doubt. That feeling that you aren’t good enough, that you can’t accomplish anything, that you’ll never be successful or happy. I wrestled with that feeling every day, trying desperately to not let it overwhelm me. Yet try as I might to avoid these thoughts I could hardly escape them. You see I was a dreamer. I would tell anyone who would listen all of my big hopes and dreams, my greatest aspirations, only to be met with cynicism and criticism. My teachers, my elders, my peers, would bombard me with phrases like “you need to be realistic”, “you’ll never be successful doing that” and “you aren’t capable of achieving that”.

Naturally, over time, these phrases eroded away what little sense of self-confidence I had. I tried not to become so easily dissuaded but their cold remarks and rebukes truly crushed me. It came to the point that whenever I tried to pursue a goal or a dream, I mentally defeated myself before I ever even began. Thoughts like: “you aren’t meant to be successful”, “you’re not good enough” and “why do I even bother” raced to the forefront of my mind, dashing any sense of hope with vicious immediacy. I felt hopeless and in my mind I was hopeless. In my mind, I was nothing more than a mere casualty in the war against self-doubt.

Because I felt I was succumbing to the negative thoughts that permeated my consciousness I became ashamed. Which of course exacerbated the feelings of worthlessness I had already developed. It was as if every time I failed to start something, every time I failed to pursue my goals, those feelings washed over me like a wave. A wave that came crashing down the moment I began to build up some semblance of self-confidence. Negative thoughts became a mainstay in my head. They had moved in and taken up residence. Unfortunately, for me, my brain was never all that adept at making evictions.

Meanwhile, I would see others around me succeeding. going to college, graduating college, becoming gainfully employed, and I resented them. I loathed them. And I loathed myself because of my inability to attain what they had. All I wanted was to be considered a success and yet I never even gave myself a real shot at it. Before long my defeatist attitude manifested into self-destructive behavior. I stopped going to school, I stopped showing up to my job, I blocked every positive influence out of my life. The downward spiral continued.

Until one day, I’m not sure what sparked it, but for whatever reason, I woke up and decided enough was enough. From that day going forward I decided I was going to change my life. I was so tired of looking at myself in the mirror and feeling disgusted at what I saw. I was so tired of talking down to myself. I was sick and tired of hating who I was. So I set out to wage war on the voice inside my head. I was going to do battle with my self-esteem and goddamnit I was going to win this civil war. Finally, The voice that for years was powered by the admonishments and condescending remarks made by myself, teachers, elders, and contemporaries would finally be silenced. I was on a mission.

I started by focusing on gaining little victories. I felt that if I could just remain positive while accomplishing little tasks then that would somehow eventually allow me to build confidence and remain positive when faced with larger challenges. So I made sure I woke up at 6:00 am every day. I made sure I worked out and exercised every day. I made sure I engaged in healthy behaviors as opposed to self-destructive ones.

Essentially, I began to organize my life. I showed up on time to work every day and doubled my output. I made sure my car was clean, my room was clean, I began to take pride in my possessions and in keeping things orderly. This taught me how to take pride in myself. As time went on I was getting in increasingly better shape through my renewed dedication to exercise, I was performing better at my job, and most importantly I felt more confident. I finally felt capable and in control.

To help myself stay on track (and keep the negative thoughts on the defensive) I bombarded my brain with positivity. Every day I would write down a list of the positive attributes and redeemable qualities I had. I would also write down everything I had accomplished that day in accordance with goals I had set. Which forced me to be accountable. As I achieved more and more  I felt incredibly capable —  like I truly had the ability to accomplish anything. The voice was still there. The self-doubt still existed. But I was driving it back, forcing it to retreat as I gained ground.

As my newfound confidence grew I looked at my goals and modified them. I wanted to set them as high as possible. I completely changed my attitude and my perspective. Now, anything was achievable. I kept encouraging myself and the little victories were piling up. I was losing weight, making new friends, smiling more, and remaining disciplined. To me, these little victories represented immense hope. The hope that these seemingly inconsequential insignificant victories would one day translate into me becoming financially, personally, and professionally successful.

Fortunately, that’s just what happened. I parlayed my newfound work ethic, discipline, and positive attitude into starting my own successful company. I have a beautiful girlfriend and loving friends, I am living a dream that seemed so far beyond the realm of possibility just a few years ago.  All because I was able to change the narrative in my head. I went from hating myself and thinking negatively about myself to loving and accepting who I am and thinking positively.

I hope this post can encourage you to remain positive and fight the good fight against self-doubt. For anyone wondering the most significant changes I made were as follows:

• I learned how to accept myself for who I am as an individual instead of trying to fight it.
• I learned how to accomplish little manageable tasks to build my self-confidence.
• I discovered the benefits of positive self-talk. I simply kept referring to myself in a positive manner even when faced with negativity. It did wonders for my self-esteem.
• I started to believe in myself and my capabilities. I stopped listening to what other people had to say about me. They weren’t me. I am in control of what I do with my life Not other people.
• I never quit. I decided to make a change and I stuck to it. I did everything in my power to accomplish my goal and view myself and my abilities in a positive light.
• Most importantly I learned how to appreciate and love who I am.

Have you or are you struggling with self-doubt? If so, just know, you will beat it. I have faith in you, now it’s time for you to have faith in you.

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by Leon Z 

My Transformation from Corporate Hostage to Full-Time Traveler

It’s two years since I made the decision to change my life. Two years since I took a leap from the supposed security of an executive career and comfortable home. Two years since I started prioritizing happiness and began changing my life for the better.

My story is a pretty typical tale of pursuing the American Dream. After my university education, I entered the workplace and stepped onto the first rung of the corporate ladder. I fell in love, got married and bought a home. My husband or I earned various promotions or received job offers to move to other parts of the country, or in one case across to the other side of the world. We bought bigger homes and newer cars and acquired all the other trappings of success.

I was particularly ambitious. I found my work style especially well-suited to my chosen career in strategic marketing and I rose up the ranks. But as I climbed higher up the ladder and as the corporate landscape changed after the financial crisis, I became increasingly disillusioned. I found companies became focused on short-term thinking with an insatiable appetite for instant gratification and sales promotions, rather than good strategy and strong execution. Their expectation was that my every waking (and sometimes sleeping) hour should revolve around them. But I had a California-sized mortgage and matching lifestyle to pay for – so it seemed I had no choice. I felt trapped in the corporate world.

My respite from this was my love of travel. For vacation, we would rent apartments in fun places and pretend to live like locals if only for a week. We fantasized about leaving all the corporate nonsense behind us and having the time to visit all the national parks we had read about and to travel the world and experience different cultures. Then a lightbulb came on and we realized it wasn’t our jobs that were stopping us living the life we wanted, it was our financial obligations. Without the costs of a mortgage, property tax, condo fees and running two cars, we could afford to earn considerably less, and stretch our savings to travel long term.

It was like a reset in our thinking. We thought our desire to travel long term was hampered by our need to have a full-time salary to pay for our house but realized that if we traveled then we didn’t really need a house. Our desired lifestyle actually fit perfectly with the idea of selling our home and most of our possessions. The deal was sealed. We put our house on the market, we got rid of most everything we owned, I quit my job and we bought an Airstream Trailer and hit the road.

We now split our time between traveling in the US and renting apartments in other places in the world. I work part time to supplement our savings, but our lifestyle is so much less expensive than it used to be, we hardly notice the reduced income.

So how do I feel about my new life?

I am a much more mindful consumer: Traveling light and living small have taught me to appreciate everything more. When living off the grid I am acutely aware of the weather, wondering if the sun will shine enough on our solar panels to charge our batteries or if the incoming storm means I have to hunker down and secure our home. I only buy things that have more than one purpose, don’t use too much water or electricity or generate too much waste. When we travel overseas we pack light and make sure our clothes and shoes are practical and meet a variety of climates.

I have better relationships: The pressures of my work could make me irritable and short-tempered with people who didn’t deserve to be treated badly. On the other hand, I also had to work with people who I didn’t like, who were jerks or who were just a negative force. I am now lucky enough to be able to work with who I want and quit working with people whose values I don’t share.

The quality of my work is better: It’s a strange phenomenon but now that I work as a freelance consultant I am less concerned about career progression and I am less vested in a single product or company. I have an outsiders view which allows me to be less emotional, more candid and I provide impartial direction to my clients that I may have been intimidated to bring to the table as an employee. Also because my schedule is flexible and my plate is not as full I am more responsive than ever

I feel in control: When you talk about selling everything and quitting your job, many people question how you could leave that security. But with a mortgage, a stagnant economy, and the fact that I’m getting older, i.e. less employable, I didn’t feel I was leaving much behind. Now I can turn my life on a dime. I can adjust my expenses easily by locating myself in areas with lower costs of living, I can take more work if I need to. I feel fully in control of my life and I’m not beholden to an employer for my financial stability.

I am excited about the future: My nomadic lifestyle always gives me something to look forward to. It’s hard to be bored when you move a lot. You are either experiencing new things, or you are planning what you are doing next. Sometimes you are just relaxing and enjoying where you are. It’s almost impossible to not be filled with optimism if you have endless possibilities in front of you.

I am making great memories: Many people talk about how quickly time passes, I used to be that person. Time does fly when you do the same things day in day out. But now when people say “can you believe it’s March already”, I say I can’t believe it’s only March. In the last 6 months I have traveled to 3 continents, I have hiked in national parks, kayaked in mountain lakes, and tried to communicate in a language I don’t understand. I’ve done so many things I can’t believe that I fitted it all in. I am a great believer in the ethos – if you want to lead a memorable life you have to do things worth remembering.

I am so much happier: Full time travel is not all plain-sailing and it certainly isn’t a permanent vacation. It can be uncomfortable, unsettling and frankly sometimes just a pain in the ass. Finding somewhere to do laundry, dealing with cultural confusion and wondering if I’ll ever have a decent haircut again are just some of my first world problems. But I would never trade my old life for the happiness I feel and the freedom I have to schedule my own day to decide where and how I want to spend my time.

So do I have any regrets from the last 2 years? Do I miss the executive title, salary or expense account? Do I regret selling my home and most of my possessions? Absolutely not, it was the best decision I have ever made and it’s hard to imagine living any other way now. My only regret is not doing it sooner.

Not all life changes have to be quite so drastic. What changes have you made that have made you happier? What do you think would bring more happiness to you? Why do you think we prioritize things over experiences in our society?

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by Kate Gilbert 

Grant Cardone Teaches Billion Dollar Company How To Use Social Media To ...

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How I Transformed My Life through Better Habits

“Men’s natures are alike; it is their habits that separate them.” – Confucius

Life is a funny thing. There is no road map. The best we can do is hope for a strong upbringing, surrounded by a good family and people who care for us. After that, we pray for their love and support as we try to fumble our way through adulthood.

How many of us actually know what they’re doing when they graduate high school? What about college? I sure as hell didn’t.

I grew up as a kid who always succeeded. Every challenge put in front of me I knocked out of the park. As I transitioned out of my parents’ home and into the real world, I felt this enormous amount of pressure to continue succeeding. I realized quickly that I was a small fish in a much bigger pond.

Like so many others, I struggled to adapt to life as a young adult. It was about 7 years ago – I was in college, working part-time, had a mountain of debt, and some health issues that popped up out of seemingly nowhere. I didn’t know it at the time, but later I would be unofficially diagnosed with what can only be described as severe anxiety. That pressure to succeed eventually got to me. As things got harder and harder, the stress kept compounding.

I became best friends with the doctors in my area. I was in their offices every other week either sick or with a new issue that came up.

Now the medical field, in general, is pretty clueless when it comes to mental health disorders. Unless you’ve suffered yourself, it’s damn near impossible to explain what it’s like. Your world feels like it’s falling apart. You’re overwhelmed. And everyone tells you to just “chill out, man.”

Well, I couldn’t. So I took the different drugs prescribed to me over a period of a couple of years, hoping for that magic bullet to make everything better.

Whatever happened to that little boy playing baseball without a care in the world other than what ice cream we were going to get after the game?

Needless to say, I never found that magic bullet. Ironically, only after giving up hope did I finally find some. Modern medicine had failed me, so it was time to take things into my own hands. I started reading. A lot. That led me to start looking at my own behaviors and habits.

Until then, that’s something I never really thought about. I can honestly say that I was on autopilot for the first 20 years of my life. It was no wonder I turned out to be a nervous wreck, I never took a step back and saw how I was living.

When I got to college, I started playing a lot of video games. It was my way to hang out with friends and take a break between classes. I tried to go to the gym here and there, but more often than not, video games were my first choice.

Warning sign number one: I was getting a lot less physical activity and sitting a hell of a lot more.

Also in college, I didn’t have my mother’s home cooking. When provided to choose between cooking my own meal or Taco Bell downstairs, what would any college student do? I’ll have the #4 with extra fire sauce, please.

Warning sign number two: My diet had gone to shit.

Lastly, I never knew what real homework was until my first year of college. I had more to do in one night than two weeks’ worth of high school work. My buddy and I would frequently pull all-nighters, and I never really had a consistent sleep schedule. Energy drinks and caffeine became my new best friends.

Warning sign numbers three and four: My sleep schedule was non-existent, and I never gave myself a chance to relax.

I mentioned I went to the doctor’s a lot. I’d show up with migraines, colds, digestive issues, sore throats, insomnia, you name it. The sad thing? This is what 90% of Americans do. And if you think about it, it’s not a surprise. I’d consider my college habits “average” among the rest of the population. I think many of you would agree.

Simply put, I got tired of feeling like shit. I’m thankful that modern medicine failed me. If it hadn’t, I wouldn’t be where I am today. By taking a step back and evaluating my habits, I was able to transform my health, skyrocket my productivity, and be a happier person.

Here are the 4 ways I was able to completely turn my life around:

I started becoming the type of person who eats healthier.

I started becoming the type of person who exercises regularly.

I started becoming the type of person who meditates and practices mindfulness.

I started becoming the type of person who sleeps on a regular schedule.

That’s it. I put down the pills and starting looking at the things I could do to start changing my life for the better. My reading at the time led me to what are now referred to as keystone habits – behaviors that, if done regularly, have a cascading effect on all other aspects of your life.

I identified the few key things I had to do each day, and then I started scheduling time for myself. When you take care of your body and mind, it rewards you by taking care of you. I focused on one habit at a time and slowly adopted them all as a part of daily routine.

It didn’t take a day or even a week, but after a couple of months, I started feeling a lot better. My anxiety calmed down and I had a whole new arsenal of weapons to throw at it.

Notice how I phrased those 4 ways up above: “I started becoming the type of person who does X.” Not only did I start eating healthier, but I started seeing myself and believing that I was the type of person who eats healthier. This is key in changing habits. I believed I was a new person, and so I was.

Closing thoughts

There is no magic bullet to cure a lifetime of stress and anxiety, it starts with better habits. Unfortunately, this isn’t something you can just tell someone who’s suffering. They’ve got to exhaust their options and fumble through it themselves. Only when they’re ready to help themselves can the rest of us even begin to help them.

If there’s anyone out there who knows a better way, I would love to chat with them. This is something that people need to know about and an epidemic that needs to be solved.

This article is for the millennials out there. If you’re fighting the good fight and struggling to find your place in the world, don’t lose faith. Keep on going. You’ll get there. Sometimes you have to march through hell to find the white pearly gates of heaven.

by Jason Gutierrez | 20 comments

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Three Easy Ways to Tame Anxiety

“Anxiety’s like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far.” ― Jodi Picoult

In the past, I felt as if anxiety were a force that could never be reasoned with.

Other people I know who suffer from this debilitating affliction agree: No matter how hard one tries, anxiety can still push its irrational “what if” agenda past logical thought, drowning one’s mind inside the most dreadful improbabilities.

As both a chronic and acute “anxiety warrior,” I had survived many years in a constant six to ten-plus anxiety level. Within the last decade, it’s decreased to a pretty consistent level two (though certain triggers can sometimes elevate it, the spikes are only temporary now).

What have I done to decrease it? I read many self-help books, dived into my own creative process, and learned self-talk techniques.

Below are three of the most successful—and enjoyable—ways I tame my anxiety. I hope they not only help you, but also provide hope that you can decrease your fear, allowing peace and happiness to tiptoe back into your life.

Reading

Reading self-help books about overcoming anxiety reminds you that you’re not alone. Knowing this, I believe, is one of the first steps to healing. Why? Because anxiety sufferers often feel isolated, misunderstood, and hopeless.

After all, how many people understand how much pain you are in as you go about your daily life, covering up the terror? How many people around you act as if anxiety is as easy to get over as the common cold? (If only I had a dollar for each time someone spouted off the well-meaning—yet grossly ineffective—advice: “Just stop worrying so much.”)

When you realize how many others suffer from anxiety, as well as how many people have overcome it, then you won’t feel as alone or as hopeless. In turn, you’ll gain more confidence and energy in which to fight your own battle.

The other way to deflate your fear is to read fiction. Studies have shown that reading literature decreases anxiety because the reader becomes so involved with the protagonist that the brain reacts in such a way that whatever the character has overcome so, in her own emotional way, has the reader. If you want to know more about this phenomenon, research the phrase “bibliotherapy.”

On a personal level, I know that when I wake up in the middle of the night with a wildfire of what-if thoughts burning through my mind, when I turn on the light and read an engaging novel, the storyline douses the anxiety faster than anything else I’ve ever tried.

Diving Into The Creative

Interestingly, I’ve come to learn that anxiety sufferers are often more creative than the average person. After all, it does take a lot of imagination to come up with—and believe—some of our more irrational fears. In my own personal journey, a large part of how I tamed my anxiety was by writing fiction.

How wonderful to discover that the thoughts rushing through my overactive brain could be channeled! I realized that the more I focused on my craft, the less my brain entertained “what-if” thoughts. Slowly, but surely, I was spending less time ruminating about all the horrible things that could happen, replacing it with far more positive and creative thoughts about what I was working on.

I highly encourage anxiety sufferers to engage in some kind of creative endeavor. It doesn’t have to become a career or even an all-encompassing hobby. But think about what takes you out of yourself. Creativity comes in many forms: baking, gardening, painting, even star-gazing. Be mindful of things that have allowed your brain to take a respite from fear and then try to practice those activities on a daily basis.

Self-Talk Success

Self-talk is the easiest, handiest, and I feel, oftentimes the most successful tool in which to decrease anxiety.

It’s simple: What would you say to a beloved friend who was struggling with irrational fear? To start, you would not call him weak—and you definitely wouldn’t agree that just because he’s ruminating about something, he’s going to manifest it.

Rather, you’d remind him of all the times he has worried about horrible things happening and how they never came to pass. You’d support him by commenting on his strengths and how he’s overcome other setbacks in life. Maybe you’d even add how he’s not alone, and that there is hope. To incorporate self-talk into your own life, speak to yourself in the same manner.

My favorite self-talk phrase, which has often pushed back many an anxious thought, is this: “I’m only telling myself a story.” Somehow this simple sentence puts it all in perspective. Please feel free, my dear anxiety warriors, to use it whenever you need to!

by Tracy Shawn | 7 comments

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