How I Conquered Self-Doubt and How You Can Too

Ever since I was a child I struggled with self-doubt. That feeling that you aren’t good enough, that you can’t accomplish anything, that you’ll never be successful or happy. I wrestled with that feeling every day, trying desperately to not let it overwhelm me. Yet try as I might to avoid these thoughts I could hardly escape them. You see I was a dreamer. I would tell anyone who would listen all of my big hopes and dreams, my greatest aspirations, only to be met with cynicism and criticism. My teachers, my elders, my peers, would bombard me with phrases like “you need to be realistic”, “you’ll never be successful doing that” and “you aren’t capable of achieving that”.

Naturally, over time, these phrases eroded away what little sense of self-confidence I had. I tried not to become so easily dissuaded but their cold remarks and rebukes truly crushed me. It came to the point that whenever I tried to pursue a goal or a dream, I mentally defeated myself before I ever even began. Thoughts like: “you aren’t meant to be successful”, “you’re not good enough” and “why do I even bother” raced to the forefront of my mind, dashing any sense of hope with vicious immediacy. I felt hopeless and in my mind I was hopeless. In my mind, I was nothing more than a mere casualty in the war against self-doubt.

Because I felt I was succumbing to the negative thoughts that permeated my consciousness I became ashamed. Which of course exacerbated the feelings of worthlessness I had already developed. It was as if every time I failed to start something, every time I failed to pursue my goals, those feelings washed over me like a wave. A wave that came crashing down the moment I began to build up some semblance of self-confidence. Negative thoughts became a mainstay in my head. They had moved in and taken up residence. Unfortunately, for me, my brain was never all that adept at making evictions.

Meanwhile, I would see others around me succeeding. going to college, graduating college, becoming gainfully employed, and I resented them. I loathed them. And I loathed myself because of my inability to attain what they had. All I wanted was to be considered a success and yet I never even gave myself a real shot at it. Before long my defeatist attitude manifested into self-destructive behavior. I stopped going to school, I stopped showing up to my job, I blocked every positive influence out of my life. The downward spiral continued.

Until one day, I’m not sure what sparked it, but for whatever reason, I woke up and decided enough was enough. From that day going forward I decided I was going to change my life. I was so tired of looking at myself in the mirror and feeling disgusted at what I saw. I was so tired of talking down to myself. I was sick and tired of hating who I was. So I set out to wage war on the voice inside my head. I was going to do battle with my self-esteem and goddamnit I was going to win this civil war. Finally, The voice that for years was powered by the admonishments and condescending remarks made by myself, teachers, elders, and contemporaries would finally be silenced. I was on a mission.

I started by focusing on gaining little victories. I felt that if I could just remain positive while accomplishing little tasks then that would somehow eventually allow me to build confidence and remain positive when faced with larger challenges. So I made sure I woke up at 6:00 am every day. I made sure I worked out and exercised every day. I made sure I engaged in healthy behaviors as opposed to self-destructive ones.

Essentially, I began to organize my life. I showed up on time to work every day and doubled my output. I made sure my car was clean, my room was clean, I began to take pride in my possessions and in keeping things orderly. This taught me how to take pride in myself. As time went on I was getting in increasingly better shape through my renewed dedication to exercise, I was performing better at my job, and most importantly I felt more confident. I finally felt capable and in control.

To help myself stay on track (and keep the negative thoughts on the defensive) I bombarded my brain with positivity. Every day I would write down a list of the positive attributes and redeemable qualities I had. I would also write down everything I had accomplished that day in accordance with goals I had set. Which forced me to be accountable. As I achieved more and more  I felt incredibly capable —  like I truly had the ability to accomplish anything. The voice was still there. The self-doubt still existed. But I was driving it back, forcing it to retreat as I gained ground.

As my newfound confidence grew I looked at my goals and modified them. I wanted to set them as high as possible. I completely changed my attitude and my perspective. Now, anything was achievable. I kept encouraging myself and the little victories were piling up. I was losing weight, making new friends, smiling more, and remaining disciplined. To me, these little victories represented immense hope. The hope that these seemingly inconsequential insignificant victories would one day translate into me becoming financially, personally, and professionally successful.

Fortunately, that’s just what happened. I parlayed my newfound work ethic, discipline, and positive attitude into starting my own successful company. I have a beautiful girlfriend and loving friends, I am living a dream that seemed so far beyond the realm of possibility just a few years ago.  All because I was able to change the narrative in my head. I went from hating myself and thinking negatively about myself to loving and accepting who I am and thinking positively.

I hope this post can encourage you to remain positive and fight the good fight against self-doubt. For anyone wondering the most significant changes I made were as follows:

• I learned how to accept myself for who I am as an individual instead of trying to fight it.
• I learned how to accomplish little manageable tasks to build my self-confidence.
• I discovered the benefits of positive self-talk. I simply kept referring to myself in a positive manner even when faced with negativity. It did wonders for my self-esteem.
• I started to believe in myself and my capabilities. I stopped listening to what other people had to say about me. They weren’t me. I am in control of what I do with my life Not other people.
• I never quit. I decided to make a change and I stuck to it. I did everything in my power to accomplish my goal and view myself and my abilities in a positive light.
• Most importantly I learned how to appreciate and love who I am.

Have you or are you struggling with self-doubt? If so, just know, you will beat it. I have faith in you, now it’s time for you to have faith in you.

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by Leon Z 

Don’t Worry, I’m Scared Too

“Nothing gives a fearful man more courage than another’s fear.” – Umberto Eco

Growing up I was extremely shy. I didn’t have many friends in elementary and middle school and rarely opened up to anyone. I didn’t even ask my teacher questions in class. I was more than your average introvert, I was scared of the world and the people that lived within its parameters.

As a child I was scared to do anything without my parents mainly because I was afraid that I would screw it up. I was getting good grades and was well behaved, but I wasn’t happy. I had this belief that I was, for some reason, unable to do the things the others kids could do. I felt inadequate.

Elementary school was a nightmare. I would cry as soon as my mom left and would be anxious until she got back. I felt alone even when I was surrounded by kids that considered me their friend.

In middle school I was still just as shy and insecure. Despite going to a small school, I didn’t feel like I had many friends. I had this constant feeling that something was wrong with me. Some nights I would just lay in my room and cry, wondering why I was so miserable all the time.

This type of thinking continued through high school and even into college. I opened up more as I grew older, but the fear didn’t go away. I knew something was wrong with me, but I didn’t know what it was.

While in my second semester of college I stumbled upon some information on the internet about something called social anxiety. Because mental health was not something we discussed much growing up, I didn’t really know much of the disorder. I began to read some of the symptoms and realized that social anxiety was the thing that was hindering me so much.

I continued to do research on the disorder and began to discover more about what causes it. It is common knowledge that people with social anxiety experience nervousness in social situations. What a lot of people don’t know is that one of the main causes of social anxiety is negative thinking. People with the disorder of have a negative perception of themselves and often think that they are ugly or stupid.

I realized what I was truly afraid of: not being good enough. I was afraid that people would look at me and not like what they see. I was scared of rejection.

At an even deeper level, I was afraid to be truly known. I didn’t open up to people because I thought that I wasn’t good enough at a core level. I thought that if people truly knew me, they wouldn’t want to be my friend. I had this great feeling of shame towards who I was. I was deeply afraid that I people would see me as inferior.

To help cope with all of these issues, I began to practice meditation and other mindfulness exercises. I slowly began to change my way of thinking. On one particular day I was sitting in my room letting my mind wonder when I began think about fear itself. I started to ask myself, what if everyone is like me? What if everyone is afraid, maybe just of different thing or in a different way?

I realized that everyone, from star athletes to noble prize winners, experience fear in their lives. Whether people are afraid of heights, planes, spiders, or talking to girls, we all experience anxiety and fear. There is no reason for anyone to feel excluded or inferior because something scares them. People with phobias or anxiety disorders might have “issues” but there is nothing wrong with them as people. They are just as human as everyone else and should not feel any lesser than.

What if fear, the thing we all share in some way, could actually serve to unite us rather than separate us? What if we all came together and admitted that we are afraid? Wouldn’t that be empowering?

Once I realized that everyone was afraid of something, I began to feel less insecure about my anxiety disorder and started to be more open about it. I started to tell my friends about my struggles. I started to realize that there was nothing terribly wrong with me. I had a certain problem, but everyone had problems.

By admitting our fears, we can give each other strength in moments of anxiety. When we see someone else struggling it helps us to realize that we are not worse off than them. It helps us feel like we belong.

Have the courage to open up about our fears. Have the courage to be vulnerable. You will begin to feel liberated and others will be drawn to your courage.

by Austin Farewell | 13 comments

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Tony Robbins: THE GREATEST ADVICE EVER TOLD

much truth do you agree?

Jack Canfield: The Success Principles

wize man do you agree?

Tony Robbins - What they dont teach you about FEAR

Fear can help if you harness it and control it, do you agree?

If you’re anything like me, you’ve worried about failing a test, being late for a meeting, or giving a lousy presentation. Well…I did crappy on some tests, arrived late for a few meetings, and you guessed it, had my share of lousy presentations. And you know what? I’m still here to tell you about it. Life goes on. Why worry?

Sometimes we worry about events because we view them as the most important things in the world. Looking back, however, we learn that very few of these situations made a realdifference in the long run. In sports, we win and lose games; in business, we have ups and downs; and the kids have good and bad days. Life goes on. What’s more, after a few months, most situations that once seemed so important completely slip from our mind. You’d think we’d learn our lesson the next time around, but most of us treat each incident like it was our first, and we worry. After repeating this exercise again and again, some of us realize that very few things in life are really life-changing.

If it won’t matter in a year or two, it’s not worth the worry.

Worry About the Important Stuff

Here are four things to consider the next time you get worked up and feel panic setting in:

Is the issue important? Keep things in perspective. Some situations appear larger than life, yet in hindsight they’re inconsequential. The key is to gauge the issue beforehand. As a simple test, ask yourself whether the problem will matter in a year or two. If not, it may be unworthy of your concern.

Are you being level-headed? When you’re tired, emotional, or under stress, negative thoughts can spiral out of control, even if the premise is far-fetched.

How well do you know yourself? How often do your worries actually materialize? If they rarely come to fruition, don’t get worked up.

Can you affect the outcome? Don’t worry about things that are out of your control. For example, if you’re worried about the weather, let it go.

Life Is Too Short to Worry

Some worrying is productive — it encourages you to be prepared, keeps you on your toes, and prevents you from letting success go to your head. In addition, it might push you to ask “What-if” questions and to create back-up plans if things go awry. Other times, worrying makes us anxious, irritable, and fearful.

Worry is a by-product of feeling powerless. We fear the unknown and are frustrated that we can’t do anything about it. We also want to influence daily events, but some things are beyond our control. The key is to face that reality and go with the flow. Most things that we worry about never come to pass. And when they do, very few of them change mankind. In fact, in most cases worrying is a lot worse than the actual outcome. So, the next time you worry that the world is coming to an end, either do something about the situation or put it to rest. Take a deep breath and count to ten. If that doesn’t work, count to twenty. Life has its ups and downs, so make the best of the in-betweens.

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