Showing posts with label CONFIDENCE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label CONFIDENCE. Show all posts
Wednesday, 16 May 2018
Sunday, 13 May 2018
Positivity, Self Love and All Her Sisters
“Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.”– Norman Vincent Peale
I’m going to start off by telling you a story about myself from the past.
Three years ago, I was someone who always had a frown on her face, someone who barely talked to anyone, and someone who constantly snapped at people. There wasn’t any particular reason as to why I was like that. I just wasn’t content. I know how people always tell you- “Be happy”, but here I, on the other hand, believe in being content. What’s the difference you ask? Content is being aware of your situation and your surroundings, flaws and all, and thinking- “This might not be ideal, but I will adapt and make it ideal enough for me.” And that point I was neither happy nor content. I couldn’t really feel anything. I just wanted to be on my own and do absolutely nothing productive.
Then came the night when I decided to change. That particular night, I was bawling on my bed, just being so unhappy with who I was and so afraid of who I was going to be if I didn’t change. I wanted someone to comfort me, but everyone was asleep and I was breaking apart inside. That’s when I started giving myself a pep talk. I said- “Hey, this sucks, but you need to stop right now. You need to go wash your face, go to sleep and tomorrow will be a better day.” I kept saying that to myself, kept chanting it, and eventually I willed myself to get up and wash my face. It was such a small step, getting out of that bed, but that small step convinced me that only I could take care of myself and my mind. And that night before falling asleep, I promised myself I would be kinder to myself and to everyone who maybe, unbeknownst to me, was fighting their own demons.
I spent the next three years trying, in really tiny steps, to be kinder and nicer and positive. Even today, I do sometimes lose my temper or lash out without really meaning to. But I make it a point to make the situation better if anything. I sincerely believe with all my heart, that when you are nice to someone and adore them despite their flaws, they’ll do the same for you.
Positivity is something everyone is capable of harnessing. Every time you go wrong somewhere, or you do something impeccably stupid, don’t bash yourself. Kindly tell yourself that it’s alright, and that you can always try again. Positivity starts when you love yourself and forget about all the things society says is beautiful and is not. Beauty is when you have a good heart and a clear mind. When you love yourself, you’ll eventually begin to see how it is important to smile and let things go, you’ll see how it is essential for your soul that you treat yourself well. Here are some ways you can try to be more positive in your life:
1. Cut out anyone who brings you down emotionally.
Yes, I know what you’re thinking. It’s easier said than done. But trust me, this is so very important. I was in a relationship over 2 years ago with a guy who constantly made me feel insecure. He loved me and everything, but he refused to treat me like a partner and I was often left waiting for a message or two. This made me unhappy, and it emotionally drained me. I decided that I needed a new start and I broke it off. Surround yourself with people who want to work, who have infectious energy, who are passionate, and who would never tell you that you aren’t good enough. Again, I know it’s easier said than done, but I promise you, your tribe defines your vibe. If they put you down, you’ll never rise.
2. Believe in constructive criticism.
We all know why we all have days when nothing we do seems good enough. Why? Because of self doubt. That self doubt arises from criticisms we might have heard in the past. It could be about how we work, how we talk, how we smile, or how our body looks. You need to know when to take something in your stride and when to let something pass. Someone said your work needs more…work? Take it in your stride, and focus on being better at it. Someone said your body isn’t attractive? Tell them that’s their opinion and love your body nevertheless. Believe that every critic can help you grow. In both cases afore mentioned, you are growing. One where you learn to work better, the other where you learn to love yourself more.
3. Declutter.
When I say declutter, I mean both your mind and your surroundings. I’m not telling you go clean out your cupboard right away.I myself have an annoyingly full closet. I’m telling you to spend some amount of time to just sit and be calm. If you some sort of project you need to do, something that is important to not mess up, make sure you have a clean desk. Working on a clean desk will make you feel happy and productive. Right before you start, try to stop worrying and just breathe and smile. Yes, just smile. And then begin. As you’re doing your project, keep taking a break for a few seconds, to organize (in your brain) what to do and how to do it. This will ensure you remain calm and give your best all throughout.
4. Fight your negativity.
Every time the voices in your head say- “Psh, you can’t do this”, I urge you to remind them that you can. You can, you can, you can. And then take little steps into doing it. First things first, you need to stop thinking that the world is against you and all that nonsense. All of that is in your head. No one has the sort of energy to work on throwing your day off, unless you’re James Bond, and if you are, well then, sucks to be you. Focus on all the things you are grateful to have. Like water to drink. Or a clean toilet to poop in. Or having the energy to breathe. Focus on the positive, and the negative will go away.
5. Be kind.
Practice kindness and generosity toward others. Being out of practice, being shy, or not knowing how to reach out to others can only be overcome in the doing, by continually trying until it becomes a natural impulse to be kind and giving to others.Ask for nothing in return. The greatest kindness expects nothing, comes with no strings attached, and places no conditions on anything done or said. Empathize with people. Smile at them. Be the person you want everyone to be so often in your life. Like for example, when you’re driving and want to enter a highway, how many times have you wished the car in the next lane would stop for a while just so you can pass? Be that car. How many times do you wish the person in front of you would hold the door? Be that person. Being a nice person isn’t all that hard. The only ingredients are a smile and a sprinkle of positivity.
6. Love, love, love.
When I say love, I don’t mean fall in love with someone and stalk them to their house and saying this chick in an article told me to. The chick in the article is telling you love the world. Love the pigeons that annoy you so much, realize that that’s just how Nature meant them to be. When you put out love into the universe, the Universe loves you right back and even gives you cinnamon rolls for breakfast.
It’s not that complicated, really. It’s just about being aware, being happy and being content. And then all the little things will fall into place.
And before you go to sleep tonight, ask yourself this-
“Was I a better version of myself today?”
Saturday, 12 May 2018
Friday, 11 May 2018
Mel Robbins: How To Overcome Self-Doubt ( Mel Robbins Depression )
She is really good, have you heard of her before?
Thursday, 10 May 2018
6 Ways to Give Yourself a Mid-Year Boost
6 Ways to Give Yourself a Mid-Year Boost
“What you resist, persists” – Carl G. Jung
Mid-year is the time of the year I find myself needing a boost. In the beginning of the year, we’re still buzzing with energy from our holidays and ready to get to conquering the year. Towards the end of the year, you realize you only have so much time left to get yourself into gear before the holidays roll around again and we start fresh with a new year. That leaves us with mid-year equidistant from both the January-New-Year motivation and the OMG-it’s-almost-December shock.
The mid-year slump hits me hard creatively. I set out at the beginning of the year with big plans for my blog and a full editorial calendar. My ideas flow easily and the motivation to get to work is there. But as the month’s pass, I slide down into a rut. The ideas dry up a bit and my drive slows to snails’ pace. I’m no longer so sure about all the things I had planned and believed in. Self-doubt sets in.
It’s not the best of feelings. But in my experience, it’s best to go with it and honor these low energy times. Embrace your ups and downs and make the most of both.
You might find this is the perfect time for you to re-evaluate all that you’ve been working on since January. Revisit the goals you set at the beginning of the year and decide if the strategy you set out to achieve those goals is really working for you. It could also be time to take a small break from what you’ve been up to and try some new stuff. That can be very invigorating and will definitely help you get your groove back. Take your low energy stints as a time for you to relax and recoup, to gather your thoughts, and to get back on track or set forth in a new direction.
If like me, you need a bit of a boost mid-year there are a couple of ways you can make the most of this time without fighting it.
Shake Up Your Routine
If you always drink coffee in the morning with a slice of toast and walk to work the same route, bust out of that routine and try something new. Drink tea and have some fruit for breakfast. Eat at different places, cook new recipes, try new ingredients. Walk to work on a different route or ride a bike instead. Whatever comfortable habits you’ve created all year long shake them up with alternatives. You don’t have to give anything up permanently just try out a new daily routine.
Try A Different Exercise Regimen
Whatever your current exercise regimen is try something different. If you’ve been doing hardcore cross-fit try something lighter like yoga or walking. And vice versa, if you’ve been doing a lighter exercise like yoga, try a box fit class or karate. As I said before, you’re not looking to make permanent changes here. You can go back to or keep doing whatever you’ve been doing to date just throw in something completely different to juxtapose your normal exercise regimen.
Change Up Your Reading
If you’ve been reading mostly from a certain genre, topic or viewpoint try something totally different for a while. This is a great way to get the juices flowing and find some new inspiration. Read what you wouldn’t normally read, bring out those long and/or difficult reads you’ve put off for so long. Read the opposite viewpoint of what you would normally read. Challenge yourself to new reading through different topics and authors.
Go Somewhere New
Pack a weekend bag and hit the road to spend some time somewhere local you’ve not been before. If you have the means and the time, travel somewhere more distant you’ve always wanted to go. Keeping it local has its advantages, though. You’ll get to experience something new close to home and connect with new people who are in your community or geographic vicinity. Get a refreshed perception of what’s around you and those living there. You may find renewed inspiration and joy for where you are.
Get Creative
If you have a creative hobby like photography or painting, go out and do more of that. Also, try new creative hobbies. If you don’t have one, now is the time to find one. Creative hobbies are important breaks from your normal grind and give you the freedom to think and express yourself in different ways. It can be as simple as drawing instead of writing. The important thing here is that you do something creative, you don’t have to be good at it.
Do Nothing
Yip, do nothing. Sometimes that’s just what you need. Don’t feel guilty for spending a bit of time doing nothing. Go into the garden and just sit. Go where you feel comfortable and just be. I’m not suggesting you use the time to allow your mind to run amuck working you up into an anxious mess – none of that. Just be, don’t think about the past or the future. Just enjoy this moment of peace doing nothing.
Try one or all of these. It’s completely up to you. Whatever you do, though, don’t be disheartened by times of low energy. Be gentle with yourself and don’t feel bad for taking the time you need to get back some of that joie de vivre. Life is cyclical – there are ups and downs. It’s what you do with those times that makes all the difference.
How do you give yourself a boost when you feel less motivated?
Wednesday, 9 May 2018
Tuesday, 8 May 2018
Monday, 7 May 2018
Sunday, 6 May 2018
A Ballerina’s Story: How I Learned to Love My Body
A Ballerina’s Story: How I Learned to Love My Body
Early in life, I learned to view my body as a sort of prison. While other little girls spent time playing and living carefree young lives, I struggled my way through ballet class– attempting to forcefully train my body to be graceful, obedient, and beautiful. Through my journey from student to professional, no matter my efforts, no matter how low my weight, or expertly I executed choreography, I never felt it was enough.
At the root of it all, I felt that my body held me back. “If I’d only been born with narrower shoulders, higher arched feet, longer legs,” I dreamed, “I would be better and do better. My life would somehow be easier”, I thought. My soul was that of an artist, choosing dance as the medium within which to come alive, but my very human body never seemed good enough to match the ambitions I held for my dance career.
Over time, I began to resent the body I was born with, feeling limited by the “hand I’d been dealt”. I realized that while I couldn’t control the body I was given at birth, I could control how I operated it– working harder, training longer, and being as skinny as possible in order to be the best dancer I could be.
Eyes firmly on the goal to curate my identity as professional ballerina, I adopted so many ways to control, shape, and demand from my body. I used this discipline to transcend and ignore my basic human needs for rest and food– in true “no pain, no gain” fashion.
These habits served me fairly well, or so I thought, until my first major injury at age 29 forced me to take some time away from the stage in order to heal. Forced to truly partner with my body (instead of dominating and controlling) for the first time in my life, I began a continually unfolding journey of healing and awakening, coming back home to myself.
When I began to understand that my body was something to respect and honor– that I had limits and finite energy that had to be acknowledged—and began acting as such, I realized that my body was an extension of me, my soul made flesh. I realized that my one, greatest responsibility in life was caring for this body every day, because she is my home in this lifetime.
Embodying this realization meant no more excuses, no more blurred boundaries with others, no crappy, convenient, or emotionally-charged food choices. It was time to go beyond the surface level frustrations I held and tap into what really mattered most.
I realized essentially that to hate my body was to, in fact, hate myself. And when I realized just how much I had been unconsciously hating myself all those years, I was heart-broken. I resolved to return to myself– treating myself as a loved one each moment. Creating love, peace, calm and strength from within, first.
Here are a few of the tools I used:
I studied my unique, individual body.
Not the body, but my body, learning which foods, relationships, activities and movement helped me to feel good vs. relying on mass (confusing) opinions about what worked and what didn’t. When I got to the roots of what my particular body wanted and needed to thrive, my relationship to food changed drastically, I started taking more time for myself and releasing relationships and things that no longer served me. Most importantly, I became more confident about my body and within my life.
I stopped torturing my body with exercise I hated and found movement I loved.
As a dancer, I was taught to “suck it up” and push through intense pain on a daily basis. This meant smiling beautifully– tutu and tiara in tow– regardless of whether my feet were bleeding in my pointe shoes, or my muscles ached and burned from exhaustion. Ballet requires fierce determination, training, and skill. Pushing is required. But so is listening to the body and acknowledging the body’s limitations. When I committed to doing things differently—with honor and respect for my body– I realized I seriously disliked most of the ways I’d been keeping myself in shape. As I began to explore different types of movement that felt great to me, I created space to witness, in awe, all that my body was capable of. It took time for me to release these patterns of forcing and pushing, but come to find out, both my body and I do much better with a gentler approach.
I healed my relationship to food and healed my body in the process.
Like many of my clients, I was constantly confused and frustrated in my relationship to food. I never knew what to eat (or what not to eat) and I struggled with consistency and emotionally charged eating. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I also suffered from a lifetime of food allergies that left me feeling bloated, ill and lethargic regularly. By returning food to its rightful role in my life—as fuel, nourishment, and a source of healing instead of comfort, stress-relief, or a mindless sport—I began to witness my body change. My digestion healed, my weight stabilized, my energy increased, and my skin became clear for the first time in my life. By eliminating the foods and eating habits that plagued me, I was able to focus more fully on what I wanted in life. I finally felt healthy and strong and had the energy and vitality to do more than just constantly obsess over food.
I released obligations, relationships and things that no longer served me.
Most women are chronic “over-givers”. Our time, energy, and nurturance often go toward everything and everyone else except ourselves. Recognizing that I needed to make some serious changes in my life starting with my relationship to myself, I knew I had to make my own well-being a priority. Not out of selfishness or laziness, but out of self-love and self-respect. I implemented stronger boundaries on my time, saying no more frequently and made downtime, relaxation and stress management necessary components of each day instead of occasional luxuries to be had when everything else was complete. Subsequently, I released those people, relationships, and commitments that no longer served me or left me feeling drained. I made the activities and relationships I needed to feel incredible in my life mandatory priorities.
I transformed my inner dialogue.
As a dancer, I thought I was happy and healthy because I was thin and active, but my inner world anything but. I was uncomfortable in my skin and felt like something was missing from my life. The more I studied holistic well-being, the more I realized that true health goes much deeper than yoga, quinoa and size 2 jeans. If I was cruel and cold to myself internally, no amount of green juice or Pilates would change that (and I love green juice and Pilates!). I had to change the way I spoke to and related to myself on a fundamental level in order for things to really shift. Once I began to treat myself like a loved one, I flourished in all areas of my life and became more consistent in my habits from a place of devotion vs. rigidity.
I started relating to my body as a “she” not an “it”.
When I began to see my body as a living, breathing, female animal with needs all her own– instead of a disobedient beast that held me back from what I really wanted– it became difficult for me to refer to my body as an inanimate object, an “it”. If I could acknowledge my pets for their innate being-ness with pronouns like “he” or “she”, but not my body, there was a serious disconnect happening. As I changed this one, simple way of referring to myself, I began to see that my body was truly my best friend, supporting and carrying me through each day like a loyal companion who deserved love, honor, and respect.
As my relationship to my body healed, I began to think of my lineage– my mother, my grandmother, and women and children of future generations. How would their lives be different if they were taught to honor and respect their bodies from the beginning? To feed themselves exquisite food as fuel vs. stuff themselves out of boredom, for comfort, or as a way to soothe painful emotions? If women came to love the bodies they call home—these miraculous creatures we’re entrusted with care of—what would that change in our world?
Our bodies are our windows to life. When we are overweight, sick, tired, overwhelmed, stressed, and downright abusive to ourselves, it seriously inhibits the way we show up in the world. Most women are taught that their bodies are flawed. They receive images in media, comments from others and other constant reminders of all the ways in which they don’t add up, but it’s time for us to rewrite this story starting with ourselves.
It is my deepest belief that when a woman loves the body she calls home, she embraces her power to create the life she was born to live. I am living proof of this as are the hundreds of women I’ve worked with in my Nutrition & Lifestyle Coaching practice. I am consistently inspired and amazed when women take these lessons to heart and I’ve seen lives heal and change in major ways as a result of reconnecting to their amazing bodies.
I invite you to love the body you call home.
Saturday, 5 May 2018
Footloose and Cancer Free.
Footloose and Cancer Free.
When I was 12 years old my family lived in Riverside California. I was not very good in typical school sports like baseball and football, but I was good at running. I loved it so much in fact that it became one of my greatest joys in life and unbeknownst to me at the time, would deliver me 47 years later to the Boston Marathon.
Back then I organized a little weekend run with my friend—Dennis Potter who lived down the street. Dennis was a different sort of kid, rather introverted, with a gravelly voice and a round, red face. We didn’t hang out together much but we met almost every weekend for our race around the neighborhood. It was a set course on the quiet streets around my house, about 2 miles long as far as I can recollect, and the finish line was in a vacant lot right next to old Mr. Stringfellows big yard.
One thing about this little competition that is important to my story is that I always won. Always. Dennis would huff and holler and try very hard to beat me, but in the end I always, and without exception, won the race. I had a good “kick” as runners refer to the last 50 yards or so of a foot race, and it was there that I surged ahead with great confidence and celebration to claim the prize. Victory was mine. And always mine. Dennis was forever frustrated by this and he would shake his head and mutter that he would “get me next time”, and that was the end of it.
We continued our competition for many months and one day my father announced that we were moving to Newport Beach and I would be saying goodbye to my school, my friends and my weekend race. Dennis and I met one last time before I left. Our final race went as expected with me leading all the way, but as we rounded the last corner with about 100 yards to go, I had a spontaneous thought that startled me completely, so much so that I can still recall its remarkable impact and the way it felt. It shook me from head to toe and I recognized it as something that I had not yet experienced in my 12 years of life. I was suddenly pulled out of the victory dance that had already started in my mind, with a mental image of Dennis Potter winning the race, a thought that until that very instant seemed impossible to me. Because I always won. In order for him to finish first, I would have to actually make myself lose. How crazy was that?
But I wondered, what would be the consequence of letting him win—just this once? I knew of course that he would gloat and puff up and feel mighty proud—just as I had for so many months. And I knew I was the faster runner, no doubt about it, but what if there was something bigger and even more important than winning at this moment?
As I remember it, these thoughts and others like them raced through my brain ever so much quicker than my footsteps on the hot pavement. I had only seconds to process this crazy idea, but in those few seconds I experienced a feeling in my body that was exhilarating and satisfying, even more so than winning the race.
I was, perhaps for the first time in my life, feeling a hint of an undeveloped compassion for another human being.
With the finish line in view I suddenly pulled up with one leg, pretending to lose my balance for a moment. I cursed out loud and kicked up a little puff of dust as Dennis, now tasting the possibility of victory, chirped with delight and like a conquering gladiator, shot by me to cross the finish line with outstretched arms.
“I did it! Oh my God…..I did it!” he shouted, over and over. I pretended to be annoyed with myself while congratulating him on his well-deserved win. Amazingly, he didn’t celebrate his victory alone, but ran over to me, grabbed my shoulders and pulled me close in a sweaty embrace as we hopped up and down in his dance of glory. The pride on his face, the clarity in his voice, the excitement in his eyes was something I have never forgotten.
I didn’t see Dennis Potter again after that day. And though I wish it were not true, my introduction to compassion would take many more years to integrate deeply into my own life. One good deed, after all, does not a compassionate person make, but it was a start.
Now at the age of 64, newly diagnosed with breast cancer and reflecting on the many gifts I’ve discovered in my life, the memory of running with Dennis Potter has faded, but the feeling I had while watching him celebrate his great achievement and including me in that embrace of ecstasy, is just as strong today as it was then.
I don’t think we have one-sided lessons in life. Just as a broken bone heals stronger at the point of fracture, every defeat allows us to grow a little too. I believe that each time my cancer knocks me back a few steps, the reverence that I have for living and its endless lessons grows a bit. And I know now that on that race day so many years ago, I needed to lose just as much as Dennis Potter needed to win.
Friday, 4 May 2018
Thursday, 3 May 2018
How a Morning Routine Saved My Life
How a Morning Routine Saved My Life
“To think is easy. To act is difficult. To act as one thinks is the most difficult.”– Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
So many people wake up in the morning to a crazy buzzing alarm clock, hit the snooze button and eventually get up and drag themselves off to work. How can you have an inspiring and productive day when you are tired, probably grumpy and in a job that you may not be particularly fond of? You can’t! But that is what most people do.
However, there is a much better way. Imagine waking up without an alarm clock, getting out of bed early, exercising and feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day.
For many years I would wake up the same way as I describe above – tired, grumpy and I hated my job. I would rush my breakfast and then jump in my car and drive an hour to work. I hated my job and when your shifts are 12 hours long you always seem to be either at work – driving home – or driving to work.
Not an inspiring life.
A Wake Up Call
Around 15 years ago I discovered meditation. I had been searching for peace for sometime after having lost my daughter, Holly, to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome when she was 5 months of age and then going through a painful divorce followed by a second marriage and then a second divorce. I was lost, depressed and had no direction. I was searching for answers and stumbled across meditation and decided to give it a try.
Meditation basically changed my life. I really took to the guided meditations and found a real inner peace I had never known before. It gave me clarity and I realised that my past was merely a stepping-stone along my journey.
I set about totally changing my life. A huge part of that was setting up a morning routine or ritual. I had started reading ferociously at this time also and found books and cd’s by Dr. Wayne W Dyer. I learnt from Wayne the power of meditation in the morning followed by affirmations, visualisations, exercise (walking, running or swimming) and then a healthy breakfast. This had a huge impact on my life. Not long after I met my soul mate and we have an amazing life. I started my own business and have never been happier.
My morning routine has changed over the years but it is still is centred on meditation. I really believe my current routine is the most powerful I have ever had. I have reached a new level in my life since I started including motivational talks with my meditation.
My Morning Routine
This is my current morning routine and it’s working a treat –
- I wake up and listen to a motivational talk usually from YouTube. Have my earphones in and laying in bed in the dark. 5 to 10 minutes. (I do this before bed too)
- Once the motivational clip is finished I put on some deep relaxation meditation music and just focus on what I learned in the motivational talk.
- Get out of bed and read my Life Vision statement
- Read my affirmations then do my visualisations.
- Write down 10 ideas. I learned this from this article from James Altucher.
- Go for a run, walk or swim.
- Have breakfast, which is usually either porridge with flaxseed and a banana or a green smoothie.
And I don’t need a loud alarm to wake me up! My job these days is helping people get out of their comfort zone. It’s the first time I have had my own business and the freedom and inspiration I get from my morning routine is amazing! I really feel free and my life is changing almost daily. I wake up energised and really bounce out of bed. Life is wonderful and I really live in the moment and enjoy every second. Listening to motivational talks morning and night has been a game changer for me. There are some amazing video’s on You Tube. Just do a search for ‘motivational video’s’ and you will be amazed at the amount there. 99% of them are really well put together.
My life has changed over the last 15 years. From stressed, depressed and no direction, to full of inspired belief, confidence and determination to succeed. My morning routine saved my life.
What do you think of my morning routine? Do you have a morning routine? I would love to hear about it.
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